This site is not a collection of bitter ramblings or the sorry tale of someone who ‘lost their first love’ or stopped ‘overcoming’. Rather this site is the collection of thoughts, formatted as questions, that lead me away from The Revival Fellowship and ultimately Christianity. Unlike Pastor Darryl’s proverbial frog in the saucepan – ‘falling away’ wasn’t something that gradually crept up on me, nor was I oblivious to the slowly boiling water. These ‘double-minded-man’ questions accumulated over a period of nine years which I became very good at ignoring. These doubts came to a climax when I decided to address them and begin thinking critically about what I believe – which I had previously taken for granted. Ultimately as a result of this critical thinking I consciously and very deliberately decided to stop fellowshipping.
My ‘testimony’
I was ‘brought up in the Lord’ and had the best upbringing and childhood anyone could ever ask for. I am not bitter towards the Fellowship or anyone still ‘in the Lord’ – it will always be a part of who I am and I still am friends with ‘saints‘ (although historically these friendships don’t stand much of a chance).
My first real confrontation with ideas that opposed the doctrine of the Revival Fellowship happened whilst enrolled in a ”Christian” high school. Here I was challenged by ‘wishy-washy’ Christians who said faith alone was needed for salvation and that speaking in tongues was not important or even ”for today”. Over a period of 5 years I became very well versed in both this ”false doctrine’ and the Revival Fellowship’s defense. At the time I didn’t think too much about why there were two different versions or how it was possible to argue opposing ideas out of the same book – given that it was God’s inspired Word.
It wasn’t until later, during uni, that I revisited these thoughts when coming across more inconsistencies and oddities within the teachings of the Revival Fellowship. In particular, I had a lot of unanswered questions regarding Bible numerics, British Israel, the pyramid and creationism (in addition to tongues). Still, I figured these niggling thoughts were Satan trying to distract me from the “bigger picture”. At this point I decided I wanted to find “true Christianity”. So I began systematically studying and probing each and every aspect; seeking to find (Matthew 7:7).
I had assumed that the more I search the scriptures – the clearer things would become. This couldn’t be further from actuality: one by one, each avenue I explored I encountered critical issues. For example, the multifaceted and contradicting nature of God, a plethora of discrepancies within the Bible and numerics, Jesus as God, tongues as a sign and the myth of creation etc
It soon became evident that the only reason I kept attending the meetings was out of habit, guilt and indecision as to what I should do or believe instead.
Where I’m at now
I still don’t have any answers; this site simply represents the questions that lead me to doubt. I am writing a follow-up post called Hope after faith which will outline my current belief system, metaphysics and ethics.
Jordan Hillier
hello@jordanhillier.com
December 2009
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